My life (Continue)

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,

Alhamdulillah, u know what? i able to further my study in United Kingdom. Who would ever though a girl like me, a girl with no self-confidence at all to successfully achieve my dream to study oversea. Even though its a bless, i still lack the confidence especially when i'm surrounded around foreign people. Moreover when i'm the only one Malaysian in the class, Allah takutnye -.-'. Nevertheless, Im very grateful for everything. Alhamdulillah alhamdullilah! even now i find it hard to believe. Mungkin ada hikmah di sebalik kejadian ini. :3

This is when I visit Scotland, specifically this place is in Edinburgh if I'm not mistaken but I don't really remember what is the name of this place. Sorry ! :3

P/s: I'm have been furthering my study for 9 month already :)

My story.

All my life, people look down on me. Like I am nothing more than a weak person. Always not good enough, always not pretty enough and always not bright enough. All my life, I am afraid to speak out, i am afraid to voice out how i felt, I am afraid to be criticize,  i am afraid to be ignore and i am afraid to speak to strangers even if they are the same gender as me! I don't have a lot of friend because the friendship that I build usually doesn't last that long and I don't know how to appreciate my friend. I am sorry, I am sorry because i am not being a good and the best friend for you.  For all of you, if any reading this.

My primary school was a nightmare. I always being bullied by my friends and even my teacher. I even afraid to go to my school those days. I always skip school one to three days of school week. You can imagine how many days that I am absent don't you. Teacher, please don't get me wrong. Some of you change my life and make me crave to be a better person but some have given me a nightmare. I am sorry if i didn't do your homework and my attitude makes you loss your temper. But I need you, I need your guidance and support. My friend in primary school, I am sorry but I really hate you guys. I didn't know if we are even a friend. The harsh treatment that you all gives really hurts me.

To be continued.

Industrial Training

One more month to go for industrial training. Just wish me luck because this is the month for me to face the jerk. Yes, it may sound weird but that is the name i am going to call him. Whatever it is, this is how i felt through out this experience.
                             

xoxo zara ;)

This is what i call inspiring. Never lose hope! :)

Praktikal:)

Minggu ni genap sebulan aku praktikal dan praktikal sebenarnya sangat menyeronokkan^_^ Even the bos are very sporting! What a life but mane ade orang hidup takde problem kan :) Rakan sekerja aku semuanya ramah dan baik so kerja aku lebih lancar bila im in a good mood.  Tipulah takde rakan sekerja yang jahat. I hate him but  who is he to stop me living my life to the fullest. So pengajarannya, don't ever let someone to stop you from fulfilling your dream! ;)

P/s : ayat skema haha...: p

One of my favourite songs.

Da lame rasenya tak buka blog nie.So, sebagai permulaan start tulis blog balik aku nak dedicated lagu nie kepada sesiapa yang memerlukan semangat sebab bagi aku lagu nie memang memberi aku kekuatan disaat2 aku menghadapi dugaan yang sangat2 berat....insha Allah lepas dengar lagu nie at least kita dapat rase lega sikit...:)

Alhamdulillah

I am so grateful with my results and thank you ALLAH for giving me the chance to get 4flat. I never though I will get the chance to get something big like this but this comes with big responsibility. Once we get good result, people usually expect more from us and I have failed before. Like when I get a good result at PMR and people expect me to get a good result in SPM but I failed. My parents looks very disappointed. I don't want to disappointing anyone especially my mum. I just want to be the best for my love ones. I also afraid to tell my boyfriend my result. I don't want him to feel uneasy or anything. I love him, I really do and I don't want to lose him in my life. I know he will be happy for me but I don't want him to belittle himself or anything. He looks sad in his message. I know he is a very smart and nice person. We have a different course and I know his course is far more harder than mine. He is so special to me. Someone really precious to me and I don't want to hurt him in any ways.

Appreciate someone who care..

Yesterday I had a big fight with my grandmother. Is it wrong for a daughter to defend her mother? Yes, Its true that I said she is being selfish and she make my mum like her slave. My mother is her only daughter that want to take care of her and what did she do? she hurt her. I know my mother loves her so much and she may had hurt her before but I know my mother doesn't mean what she said to her. Then, she said bad things about me. She said that I am her most disrespectful grandchild she ever had. She said I'm not her granddaughter anymore and she pray bad things will happen to me.Why?because I'm telling her the truth??because I tell her to thinks about my mum feelings?funny. Today she act like nothing happen and ask me to help her to do this and that for her. She think she can just forget what happen. Well this not anymore her granddaughter is the ONE who help her wear her diaper and accompany her and my mum to treat her illness. WHO carry her stuff in and out of the house.WHO support her to walk. WHO had to smell her pee when she need help to wear her diapers. It is not that I'm not sincere, but after what she said to me? Well, its hurt. I can never forget her words and cursing. Terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata?Please think other people feelings, I'm not soulless, I am a normal human being who have FEELINGS!

Me

I am not good at anything and I am a jerk!!! This whole semester break I spend by eating, sleeping and watching movies. I promise myself that before this semester break end, I am going to improve myself by being a better person. Helping my mother do chores, improving my English, getting a driving license and lose weight but none of that happen. Yes, I help my mom but this house is still a disaster and none of the thing I want to improve, well , improve. I have made this promise too many times already and it does not end the way I want. I am just doing things that make my body weight increase!! damn it. I hate myself, I just want to be a better person for the one I love and here I am. Sitting at my bed watching movies, eating and sleeping. Sometimes the things that we want maybe does not end like we wanted it to be but we have to work harder to get what we want.

Yes, today is my birthday but i feel so alone. Takde kek, takde celebration and tak de pape. Cuma berseorangan di dalam bilik merenung nasib diri. Macam biasala, every time my birthday mesti menangis. Pakwe janji na bwk keluar tapi roadtax kte da tamat tempoh plak=.=...Umi cakap nak datang hari ni tapi xjadi sebab kelas sampai petang..sunyi sangat..I really hope to spend this day with my loved ones. ='( Aku cuma harap mase birthday, dapat kek, hadiah and bersama-sama dengan orang tersayang. Tiga tu je..xbanyakpon..

p.s: Ape-apepun aku tetap bersyukur sebab masih hidup..

WAKE UP!!!

Come on...pack the things up..you don't want to do it last minute right..this is not like BSMM camp or +math camp that u spend 3 days there..this is college where u will spend 3 years of your lifetime....i never been away from home that long..there i'll study the meaning of life and making mistakes...studying and experimenting...u are not that girl anymore..the spoiled gurl with a broken heart..wake up come back to reality..what gone is gone..bye-bye highschool and here come college...chayok-chayok..>_<

Hari ini..

Subuh-subuh lagi sudah kedengaran umie membebelkan aku kerana tak tidur dan membazir elektrik dengan mengunakan laptop sedangkan tv terpasang...* sorry >_< * bukan sengaja tapi terpakselah..dah lah aku nie bukan jenis yang berani sangat..kalau tak pasang tv kang macam-macam pulak bunyi aku dengar..ade bunyi kucing bergaduhla..ade bunyi anjing menggonggongla..ade bunyi serangga dan..ade bunyi..paham-pahamla eh huhu..2la rutin ku di malam hari..menatap laptop dan tv..bosan..dalam perjalanan ke pejabat umie..mataku seperti di gam..sudah tak mampu di buka lagi sehingga tersenguk-senguk di dalam kereta..penatnya bukan kepalang..badanku menyucuk-nyucuk kesakitan meronta-ronta meminta direhatkan...

Otakku Berkarat..

Hidup kini terase lebih bosan dan semakin bosan..Sejak abis sekolah nie vocab aku pun dah 'haus'..haiz..pela nak jadi..nak tulis satu perengan pun amik masa lama..susahla kalau sambung belajar nanti... skang nie aku macam tak ade matlamat hidop dah sejak aku tersungkur di persimpangan jalan walaupun tak de gagal ( alhamdulilah ) tapi tanpa cita-cita hidup xbermakna jugakkan..laptop nie jela tempat aku meluahkan rase suka dan duka huhu..sejak ade broadband yang mak aku beli lagilah parah..siang malam hadap laptop je huahua...pasal cinta..aku tak sedia lagila nak beri komitmen tu..sejak frust dulu, aku nak sebut tiga perkataan tu pun susah...biarlah..bapak aku pun asik bebel jangan bercinta..jangan percaya lelaki..btulla tu..buat kusut otak aku yang dah sedia kusut nie je..

Road ahead of me...

Jauhnya rasa perjalanan hidup ini...rase gelap dan suram ..penuh liku dan ranjau..pahit dan manis..but thanks to my mum yang tak putus-putus bagi aku semangat supaya tak putus asa dalam meneruskan perjalanan hidup walaupun tak dapat futher study dalam bidang yang aku nak...akhirnya aku decide untuk melanjutkan pelajaran dalam business studies(DBS)..itulah course yang akan aku ambil di kolej profesional mara nanti.....kena belajar rajin-rajin..tak boleh main-main macam form 5 da..

My Heart is Broken

I'm sick of crying,
I'm tired of trying,
I'm smiling but,
Inside I'm dying...

Akhirnya...!!

Yeah!! akhirnya wujud juga blog nie..penat aku pikir macam mana nak buat....da lame da blog nie wujud..dari 2008 lagi tapi..dek sebab aku bingai tentang blog..tersadailah ia beberape tahun..hum nak tulis ape ye..ha aku dah nak masuk kolej tahun nie..rasa seronok tapi ade juga sedihnye..yela akan berjauhan dari umie tersayang lepas 2 jaoh gle ar tempat tu dari rumah aku dan aku pulak bukan jenis 'mesra alam' dengan orang lain..first time jumpe aku memang jadi 'bisu' xtaule ape problemnye ish3...wuwu takmau2...tapi kalau aku tak pergi macam mana aku nak 'menaik tarafkan' kehidupan aku yang sangat blur sekarang nie hahaha@_@...

Hmm kisah cinta aku dengan 'prince charming' memang dah hancur da hehe.. tak pe i'll get over it..yang penting sekarang nie macam mana nak bangkit dari kehancuran hidup aku sewaktu 'dia' melangkah pergi dan result spm aku yang tak berape 'ehem2' tu..apa la nasib...bagai melukut di tepi gantang wuwu..da2 lah 2 hehe...setidak-tidaknya apa yang jadi nie memberi aku pengajaran...>_<

Myspace Comments