Alhamdulillah

I am so grateful with my results and thank you ALLAH for giving me the chance to get 4flat. I never though I will get the chance to get something big like this but this comes with big responsibility. Once we get good result, people usually expect more from us and I have failed before. Like when I get a good result at PMR and people expect me to get a good result in SPM but I failed. My parents looks very disappointed. I don't want to disappointing anyone especially my mum. I just want to be the best for my love ones. I also afraid to tell my boyfriend my result. I don't want him to feel uneasy or anything. I love him, I really do and I don't want to lose him in my life. I know he will be happy for me but I don't want him to belittle himself or anything. He looks sad in his message. I know he is a very smart and nice person. We have a different course and I know his course is far more harder than mine. He is so special to me. Someone really precious to me and I don't want to hurt him in any ways.

Appreciate someone who care..

Yesterday I had a big fight with my grandmother. Is it wrong for a daughter to defend her mother? Yes, Its true that I said she is being selfish and she make my mum like her slave. My mother is her only daughter that want to take care of her and what did she do? she hurt her. I know my mother loves her so much and she may had hurt her before but I know my mother doesn't mean what she said to her. Then, she said bad things about me. She said that I am her most disrespectful grandchild she ever had. She said I'm not her granddaughter anymore and she pray bad things will happen to me.Why?because I'm telling her the truth??because I tell her to thinks about my mum feelings?funny. Today she act like nothing happen and ask me to help her to do this and that for her. She think she can just forget what happen. Well this not anymore her granddaughter is the ONE who help her wear her diaper and accompany her and my mum to treat her illness. WHO carry her stuff in and out of the house.WHO support her to walk. WHO had to smell her pee when she need help to wear her diapers. It is not that I'm not sincere, but after what she said to me? Well, its hurt. I can never forget her words and cursing. Terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata?Please think other people feelings, I'm not soulless, I am a normal human being who have FEELINGS!

Me

I am not good at anything and I am a jerk!!! This whole semester break I spend by eating, sleeping and watching movies. I promise myself that before this semester break end, I am going to improve myself by being a better person. Helping my mother do chores, improving my English, getting a driving license and lose weight but none of that happen. Yes, I help my mom but this house is still a disaster and none of the thing I want to improve, well , improve. I have made this promise too many times already and it does not end the way I want. I am just doing things that make my body weight increase!! damn it. I hate myself, I just want to be a better person for the one I love and here I am. Sitting at my bed watching movies, eating and sleeping. Sometimes the things that we want maybe does not end like we wanted it to be but we have to work harder to get what we want.

Yes, today is my birthday but i feel so alone. Takde kek, takde celebration and tak de pape. Cuma berseorangan di dalam bilik merenung nasib diri. Macam biasala, every time my birthday mesti menangis. Pakwe janji na bwk keluar tapi roadtax kte da tamat tempoh plak=.=...Umi cakap nak datang hari ni tapi xjadi sebab kelas sampai petang..sunyi sangat..I really hope to spend this day with my loved ones. ='( Aku cuma harap mase birthday, dapat kek, hadiah and bersama-sama dengan orang tersayang. Tiga tu je..xbanyakpon..

p.s: Ape-apepun aku tetap bersyukur sebab masih hidup..